I had a transformative weekend.
I was singing when I got to school on Monday morning. Out loud. Singing.
Then something happened first period, I felt disrespected, ignored, disappointed, took it all personally, got pissed, got more disappointed in myself, etc. I told my principal that I wanted to quit. It didn't make me feel better. That afternoon at our school professional development I was late and he actually thought I might have left.
I was mad the whole day. I still wanted to punch and kick things that night.
Before I left school I told my principal that I felt like I was Luke Skywalker trying to get the ship out of the mucky pond. It just felt too big. But then I knew that this little green guru could do it with no problem. Why couldn't I? I'm so impatient to be doing what I can envision. I'm so impatient.
Yesterday morning on my walk to the subway, that conversation returned to me like a dream, and I saw this key point that I had missed the whole day before:
I am Luke freaking Skywalker! I am learning superpowers! It doesn't matter which movie I'm in, I know how the story ends and it's awesome. Out of the mouths of babes.
This is not to say that I'm saving the galaxy. That would be cool too. This is just a shift in perspective that reawakens my enthusiasm. Whew. Close one.
Your job working with kids is hard, riveting, ego-smashing work. I hereby proclaim that we are all the young Lukes of our universes. So what if you meet Darth Vader in the cave? You are the opposite of disappointment to the universe, which depends on you and your work. Plus you're in training with the coolest puppet in the galaxy. You're the hero. You are learning how to fly. Just relax and enjoy.